You should not have your idea when you listen to someone . . . Then you will understand what they say.
Shunryu Suzuki, Zen Buddhist monk, author Zen Mind Beginners Mind
When I read this quote, I immediately smiled and took a deep breath. I’ve been practicing for many years and still working on the art of patience. I know my life has changed in some palpable ways because of it. Truthfully listening to ourselves is an act of loving self-regard. Being honest about what I hear helps me develop patience with others.
Approaching listening with beginner’s mind can free us from preconceived notions and the need to compare or judge. Listening without my own agenda is mindfulness in action. The skill of hearing what the person in front of me is communicating without the background noise of my own opinions, limited beliefs, and critical thinking is compassionate and liberating. I’m sure you cannot even imagine why this is on my mind (LOL)!
Can I truly engage with others with an openly empty mind? In class the other day a student asked me why she “ can’t stop the thoughts. They just keep coming.” Yes, they are endless: the sick cat, the kids doc appointment, dinner, a work assignment, my report for the board meeting that needs tweaking, the class I signed up for and didn’t do the homework for, and on and on and on.
She wanted an answer. You know my answer; choose to make your mindfulness meditation muscles really strong. Build the quiet listening miracle into your behavior. You will build peace one breath at a time. We do what a young musician or tennis player does at the age of three or four. We simply sit on the cushion and begin. We practice every day whether we want to or not. When the distractions and shiny balls pull us, we notice, straighten up, breathe, smile, and begin again.
If we cannot listen mindfully, we cannot practice Right Speech. No matter what we say, it will not be mindful, because we’ll be speaking only our own ideas and not in response to the other person.
Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Buddhist teacher, author, and peace activist from his book The Miracle of Mindfulness